Tuesday, September 8, 2009

The Letter

Well i really knew this was some kinda dumb trick Karan played on me but decided i'd play along for his sake just to know what he wanted to say this time.So for that i went to school ,same time ,same place yes 11:45 pm outside my classroom.
(Zoya thinks this is a joke and well is it?)

At 11:45 Zoya opens the letter.
hy tomboy(or should i say zoya)
i know i've hurt you a lot,maybe so much that i never got a chance to tell you why i had to do this..zoya i know you never wanna see my face and maybe now u never will,while you'll be reading this I'll be watching you from high up.This was our favorite place and so i wanted you to know the truth right here.All throughout school you never told me anything about you're feelings for me.. but yes i knew every bit of it..why somi maam turned you outta class and why you always told people at tution that the place next to you was occupied although it wasn't and why you were throwing those flowers on me instead of putting them on the decoration.You considered me you're best friend but the friendship we shared was unique because we never really shared things verbally infact we fought a lot but yes we understood everything that either of us felt ,i donno how you thought i wont understand you're feelings. Yes i always considered you a tomboy and you always made an effort to look good  but i loved you the way you were..(okie dont sware) zoya i didn't want you to be a part of something that had nothing to give you but pain and yes every word i told you was true.I did love you, and the thing about tina well forgive her because everything she did was as i wanted her to do it and she or ronnie both do not know anything about me or what happened.
Remember the graduation ceremony - the time you said you wanted to go on a date well yes when i took ronnie aside it was so i could take you on a date and the date was the movie that is why tina or piggy didnt land up and that is why ronnie came with 5 girls so we could be alone.

And remember the time you tried calling me - well i am sorry i really wanted to be a part of all the suffering and everything you went through because of me but maybe you're best friend just didnt have that much strength in his body.Zoya i loved you and couldnt bear to see you cry although i know i still did make you cry.I know you tried calling me all throughout boards but actually i was in the hospital.Zoya when i said I'd be watching you from high above well yes now I'll always be with you,you'll never be lonely when its night I'll be with you in the form of a star who'll always twinkle and make sure you sleep well and soundly,and when its day i'll be with you in the form of the sun shining on you and giving you light and strength  and when its raining  i'll be there with you in the form of droplets of water that will make you realize that i am there somewhere close by.

Zoya i never had the courage to tell you that i was sick and didn't have very long to live.Maybe it was all you're prayers and love that kept me alive for almost 4 yrs .I  wanted to be able to stand up to everyone's expectations..my mom and dad wanted me to graduate from a college of there choice and i did so and you wanted to be with me in the college of our choice and so i wanted to be there with you but maybe some wishes go unfulfilled.

Zoya i wanted you to hate me and to make sure that happened the only person i could think of was tina ,i thought i had achieved that when i heard from one of you're college mates that you were involved with some guy but i wasn't too sure because the way he said it,it didn't seem like he was talking about You.zoya i know you checked my orkut profile everyday and that's the reason i had to change the status to committed just so i could make you hate me so much that you'd never look back at me.

Remember the night of graduation ceremony when you fainted,well i carried you home and while walking down the school lane i looked up at the sky and then at you and asked myself what i wanted.it was then that i realized i wanted you to be happy,and it wasn't about me anymore but about you because it was you who mattered to me,it made me glad that you hadn't said yes because i couldn't have left you heartbroken after having committed to you.

i carried you home and put you in bed and you wont let go off my hand and then i heard u whisper--i love you and i knew that what you said was true and i knew that i couldn't gift you my pain because you were so perfect,so innocent.. i did want you to know what i felt and so i left you the note just so in all the time that you regret falling for me there is one memory ,one token that you would never let go off and then when i saw you at college and i knew you hadn't forgotten me and you were there because it was what we had planned and i tried to make things easier for you,tried to tell you how much i had missed you and how much i cared for you but maybe it was all that pain i had caused you that led things this way.

There are some relationships in life that are not based on physical presence but on presence in you're heart and that's where i always wanna be.
(tung tung tung clock strikes 12)
zoya i love you

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